PART 22, TRYING FOR ANOTHER BLOG SERIES
It’s all so real now. And I feel a need to protect and nurture you. We are in this together. You are strong. We can do it.
Some nights you keep me awake. Thrashing about. I wonder what’s bothering you. I wonder how you will be. Will you be as wild as you’ve felt in my belly? I wonder who you will look like. Will you look like your brother and sister, who are spitting images of each other?
I know I will miss this time. With you inside of me, where you are incubated, not necessarily protected, but we are one. I will feel this sense with you for the rest of our lives. Amazed that I grew you inside of me. Miraculous life.
I’m worried about it being over and missing it. I’m trying to catch all the things I might miss and pin them down somewhere, somehow. I just want to soak it all in. I’m in no rush for you to come- unlike the other times. I want you to stay as long as you need.
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I’ve been working on releasing my abs to expand my uterus: everyday doing my three assigned exercises and trying to release my belly as often as I can. On Monday I went in to see Dr. Jen for another Dynamic Body Balancing session. It was amazing. She and Dr. Carli worked on me at the same time- one massaging my abdomen and the other working on unwinding/releasing my legs. I feel so lucky to be able to receive this treatment. And I wish that all pregnant mamas could do the same.
Dr. Jen measured my belly and I was 28 cm. At 29 weeks, that put me in the normal range. Fingers crossed for my appointment with Kaiser on Tuesday.
Another eventful occurrence is that my husband came around to the idea of having a doula! He says that he thought I would eventually lose interest in the idea but he can see that I haven’t. He also talked to his brother and a coworker who said it was a good idea, which I think helped convince him.
I know exactly who we want to have: Bee Johnson. I love her calming, nurturing energy and she comes highly recommended. I have already reached out to her and we have our first meeting with her on Wednesday. I am relieved and excited to get to experience this birth with an amazing doula. But I am also trying not to get attached to the idea because I'm worried that Luc might change his mind. So, we'll see.
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