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Part 14, Trying for Another Blog Series

“You don’t even look pregnant!” That’s the line I regularly hear now when I tell people I'm four months pregnant. “I stay pretty small during my pregnancies,” I respond with a smile. The comment doesn’t so much bother me this time around. But, my first couple pregnancies I will tell you, I did not appreciate how often I was told that I was “so small!” I have always known that it was never meant with any harm, but when you’re pregnant, you’re hyper-sensitive to being “abnormal.” You’re worried most of the time during pregnancy. There’s this looming fear hanging over you that something could be wrong with your baby. So being told I was “so small” would make me question if everything was okay with my baby. Which it always was, it’s just how my body grows during pregnancy.

So this time my body is doing the same thing. And I accept the comments with a bit of wisdom this time, knowing that I don’t really “show” until I’m about 6-7 months. Which I consider a blessing and a curse. I really only experience a couple of months of feeling what you think of during pregnancy: a big round belly. So in a way I feel jipped out of the pregnancy experience. But I also consider it lucky to be so mobile and unencumbered most of my pregnancy. I would like to add here that I try to remind myself that the only appropriate comment to give a pregnant mom is to simply say, “you look great/beautiful/amazing.” You never know how another comment may be internalized.

I busted out my maternity clothes a couple of weeks ago. A mom friend from my son’s school gave me ALL her hand-me-downs, and no joke, it is more clothes than I have in my actual wardrobe! And there are beautiful, fancy clothes too! And there are also some sweatshirts, tank tops, and leggings (which is what I spend most of my time in). I feel SO lucky! And am going to be able to pass these onto another mama, or three, when I’m done! Maternity leggings always fall down on me though! Anyone else have this problem? I’m constantly having to hike them up- not cute.

I’m still mostly belly-sleeping. I have my pregnancy pillow (just a really long pillow) that I wrap one leg around and/or rest half of my chest on, so that I’m only partially sleeping on my belly. That’s the most comfortable position for now.

I still haven’t felt baby kick! This was getting to my head so I checked in with my friend, Dr. Jen from Acorn. She confirmed that my placenta is in the front, which would block baby’s kicks and cause me to not feel them. So I’m consoled by knowing there’s a reason, but still really eager to feel baby inside me!

Ella turned four last week. We organized a shared birthday party with her friend Arya, who was born exactly one day before Ella. They invited all their friends from Mixed Greens to Howarth Park and spent the day riding the train and carousel. It was a blast and honestly I didn’t feel too stressed. I’m a pretty mellow person in general, but pregnancy has me even more so. I feel a greater ability to have perspective on how significant/insignificant issues are. I feel a lot more even-keel since being pregnant, aside from being more sentimental.

I’m not one to easily cry, but pregnancy has got me all teary-eyed. The other day I was watching an episode of “Winning Time” (a series that follows the build of the Lakers in the 80’s), and a dying mother was saying goodbye to her son. She was well into her 80’s and her son in his 50’s, but they were very close. I immediately imagined myself having to do so with my son, Anders, one day. Ugh. The waterworks wouldn’t stop.

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